Many of you that have known me for some time know that I have vivid memories of one of my past lives in which I lived. This particular time period is during the time of King Arthur and I feel very connected to all things Celtic. I was full of memories of a life lived in fear, trapped and seeking escape only to always reach dead ends. I have had these memories since my early childhood, but didn’t understand them. And of course as I matured in the Matrix programming and started the journey into Religion all things that connect you to your organic spirituality are deemed evil. For most of my life I tried to suppress these memories or attribute them to something Satanic trying to steer me away from “God”.
It was very easy for me to run from these memories, because most of the memories were riddled with panic, fear, pain, sadness and loss. But, in my dream reality there was no escape. Consistently throughout my life no matter where I was in my journey, my dream reality kept these memories alive. It made it real easy then to look at these memories as nothing more than reoccurring nightmares. It is so easy to lie to yourself when you are not ready to face the truth of your Eternal Infinite Being.
As I continued on my path in this incarnation and started to see all the false paradigms for what they are, my awareness really began to expand and take me to a place of self-exploration rather than accepting the truths being dished out to the masses. I had to look at these memories again and embrace what was being shared with me in my dream reality. This was my Inner Eternal Essence waking me to an incredible healing journey that I have been on ever since.
This healing process is no joke, because you don’t just put the pain behind you. I had to dive into the pain that I have experienced in this incarnation and heal in the now right where I am in the grit of it all. I began to feel into my pain, embrace it, release it and feel grateful for the experiences. The painful memories that followed me throughout my life were being transformed into lessons leading to greater wisdom of knowing who I am and what my journey is about. This only makes sense to others when they have experienced this healing or are in the process of healing as this truth is being revealed to them.
What I now know is that these “nightmares” remained as my conscious mind in my dream reality continued to present the pain until I could face it subconsciously where I wasn’t willing to feel. Sounds backwards I am sure, but it so crystal clear to me. We know we incarnate with past life traumas that need to be healed and much of the work we do in our present incarnation integrate these experiences and heal across dimensions bringing us full circle and back to wholeness. I have experienced so much healing in this incarnation from my childhood traumas from the birthing process all the way through the journey into the adult trauma that continued on with feelings of abandonment, being unlovable, not being worthy enough, not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc. As I have healed the pain that stemmed from my parent child relationship with my mother specifically it opened my heart to so much more love and acceptance of not only me, but others as well.
I am not only a Hu-Man experiencing pain nor am I only a Hu-Man experiencing pleasure. I am everything in this journey, anything that is possible I Am! My memories are no longer focused on just the pain, sadness and loss during the Medieval times in which I lived. I have expanded my consciousness and now I have memories of the good times in my past incarnation that haunted for so much of my life. I now remember the happy times of festivals, dancing at gatherings with other beautiful women, the sisterhood that existed, children playing and community. I remember the playfulness of it all and the feeling of being carefree not just the suffering. . My childhood memories in this incarnation are no longer jaded with all that was painful for me. I now see a mother that lived in her own pain body, spirit and soul. I see a woman that needed to be loved so desperately, but felt so unworthy, she couldn’t allow you to love her. She cried more tears than any other Hu-Man I have ever personally seen. Though her expression was mostly terrifying there were times where I could see that unguarded mother that wanted to love me, and wanted to be vulnerable. I cherish those moments all the more today. My most favorite memory is when she would play a song by Donna Fargo titled Funny Face. She would play this song, and hold me close and dance with me. In those moments I now know that I was her rock, her strength and I was strong enough to be that person for her during that time in our lives. Mama thank you for all that you taught me and allowed me to be. I have you to thank for the realization of just how much of a warrior I Am.
It is this incarnation that is bringing me home. I have been on a mission of truth seeking, and soul searching leading me to acknowledgment, healing, gratitude and finding center. These two incarnations were very much entwined in healing my relationship with the divine feminine and all of our suffering throughout eons of time.
Whatever it is that keeps reoccurring in your life… that keeps you up at night… that pain… It is as trapped as you are. Face it, heal it and set Yourself free, free to Be…
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